A Journey Fulfilled
by profoundmuse
Summary: Kaoru and Kenshin seemed to be the perfect balance to each other until one day Kenshin lets his past dictate the present. With the return of Kenshin's ex-wife, Kaoru leaves the man she loves behind and sets out on a journey to find peace and fulfillment.
1. A Journey Begins

The apartment was quiet. The words still hung in the air like a grey cloud. "_I think we should break up."_

Kaoru stood there, her heart breaking into pieces. As she turned to the door she hoped from somewhere deep inside he would tell her to stop, grab hold of her and realize how important she was. But he didn't. He stood there, his hands in his pockets, his red bangs covering those amber eyes she loved so much. She figured it was better, seeing those eyes would make her heart break even more. She felt hurt and betrayed now. He had just written off three years of their lives.

She had felt him distancing himself from her. It started a few weeks ago when his ex-wife had appeared out of nowhere. He had started spending less time with her until today when he had called her and asked her to come over so they could talk. Even as she got ready to head to his apartment the fear in her heart had begun to form. She knew this wasn't the kind of talk she wanted, but she didn't know what to do.

--

_Kaoru, I don't know how to say this and it breaks my heart to have to, but I think we should break up."_

_Had she heard him right? Break up? _

"_What do you mean, Kenshin?"_

"_I just don't know about us anymore. I think we need some time apart. I need to sort out things that I have been feeling."_

_Tomoe._

_She didn't even need to say it out loud to know._

"_I'm sorry Kaoru."_

--

She opened the door and stepped out. She wanted to turn back, to look at him, but she kept going. And as she slowly closed the door she knew this was it. She stood there, in the hall outside his apartment, motionless. The sobs begin to take over her_. "How could this happen," _she thought. _"How could this happen to us?"_

He heard her cries from inside. He wanted to go out to her, to hold her and let her know all the things he needed to say, but he didn't. He didn't deserve her and as much as he wanted to hold her in his arms he knew she was better off without him. They both stood still, time holding them and pride forcing them to move on.

She began to walk down the hall. She stepped inside the elevator, hesitantly pushing the button to the first floor. They had been through so much together, how on earth did they end up at this point?

She remembered the first time she met him. He was quiet, but his mysterious personality had captivated her; she was drawn to him instantly. They spent that whole night together, slowly secluding themselves from the group they were in. She had known then that he was someone worth holding onto, but now she felt broken.

The elevator door opened and she slowly stepped out. Her heart hoped he would appear as she turned to double doors that would lead her away from her, but no one was coming. The glass doors closed behind her as she stood on the sidewalk. At that moment the door to her life with him had abruptly closed as well.

Kenshin stood in the apartment, his thoughts racing. What the hell was he thinking?

Tomoe wasn't what he wanted. How could he have even though of going back to Tomoe? The woman of his dreams was right before him and he had just broken her heart.

He raced down the hall to the elevator, his heart racing with regret. He understood what had happened. He was an idiot to have believed he was unworthy of her. She was what he wanted, and what he needed. He ran to the elevator and saw the flashing numbers going down.

He rushed down the stairs and into the lobby. He had to catch her, he had to tell her he was a fool. He ran out into the street, looking everywhere for the raven black hair, but she was gone. He stood, in silence, the rain falling as he felt the hole in his heart forming with his stupidity.

He tried for days to get a hold of her, but she was gone.

--

The taxi drove as Kaoru looked out the window. She was leaving that life behind her now.

He hadn't even come after her. Her heart broke at the thought they he may have never even loved her. Maybe she had always been a replacement for Tomoe, a temporary fix to the hole in his heart.

She was going to a place that would wipe away the memory of him. Or at least she hoped it would wipe away the memory of him. She needed more than anything to get rid of his presence.

The three years they had spent together had changed her, he had made her feel strong and capable. He had showed her a strength inside herself she never felt was possible and then without even asking he had taken his love away from her. She felt cheated and weak, and she knew that it was time for her to let him go, though she had no idea how.

She sat looking out the rain spattered window, remembering his smile, and his touch, the way he held her and made her come alive. She longed for him then, and cried as the memories flooded back to her.

--

Kenshin put the phone down for the last time. He had tried for days to get a hold of her, to no avail. He assumed she was ignoring him. He would just have to wait it out. He sat forward on the couch, his head in his hands.

"_How could I have been such an idiot?" _

The sorrow was visible as the amber in his eyes turned shimmering violet as tears threatened to break through. He was weak without her. Days had passed since he last felt hungry and sleep was something he was not even sure he was capable of anymore.

The phone rang and his heart stopped at the thought that it might be her. He checked the caller ID and saw that it was Sano.

The voice on the other end spoke cautiously, "Hey Kenshin, I've been trying to reach you. How about we go grab a cup of coffee?"

He answered with a sorrowful, "Sure."

All was quiet as the two men walked down the street. Kenshin clung to the cup of coffee in his hands as though it would warm the cold empty feeling he had without Kaoru.

Kenshin turned to Sano, "Do you know where she is? I've been trying to get a hold of her and I can't."

His friend began to speak, but paused.

"Sano, what is it? Everyone's ignoring me. What the hell is going on?"

He put his hand on his friend's shoulder as he begin to speak, "Kenshin, she left for France a few days ago..."

His heart sank. He had thought she was ignoring him, not that she had left him behind. They stopped walking and sat down at a café.

"Look Kenshin, I'm sorry no one told you she left."

Kenshin shook his head, "How do I get her back Sano?"

"I don't know that you can, Kenshin. She was pretty messed up when she left. I don't even know exactly where she was going. I know she talked to Megumi, but other than that we don't know much of anything."

"I was wrong, Sano, I let memories of Tomoe and I take over what in my heart I felt for Kaoru. Now I don't even have a chance to say I'm sorry. I can't lose her.

"I know, Kenshin…"

--

Kaoru closed her eyes as she felt the taxi come to a stop. It was time for her to enter this world. _"This is it,"_ she thought to herself, _"this is where I do everything I was ever afraid to do."_

She was finally free; able to do whatever her heart pleased. But as she looked out to the world in front of her she was overtaken with grief. She wished he were beside her, sharing in the beauty with her. It was going to take a long time for her to be free.

--

Kenshin sat up in bed. The days were much longer now, as were the nights. He lay awake, an image of her in his head. He thought back to the first time he met her. She was so lively, so full of passion. He was quiet around her, not for fear of her, but because he didn't want to do anything that would make her stop. He fell in love with her smile that night.

Outside the city was already moving. He looked at the clock to see how much longer he had to lie there. It showed 4:43 a.m., only seventeen more minutes. He might as well get up now. No use in thinking about her more than necessary.

He got ready, and by six was out the door for work. He paused outside the doors to the lobby and glanced up to the sun rising. How he wished there was just one more day of rain. He smirked at the bitter pessimism that had taken over him. He weighed the options of taking a taxi and decided to walk. It appeared today was already going to be long.

The cars were rushing by, vendors standing on the street corners. He walked by the park and saw a couple on the bench, hands entwined and so close they were almost one. He waited at the cross walk as he thought about the couple. _"What makes people sit so close, when there is so much room on either end?" _He smiled at the question as the light changed, _"Maybe we had something after all."_

He stopped as he realized what he had said and his heart tore open at the thought. They had both felt it, a feeling so undeniable but fierce and intimidating at the same time. He had always been a bit afraid to feel it and now when he knew he wanted and needed it he had lost it altogether.

--

Kaoru sat on the edge of the bed. The hotel was spacious, and charming. She was in France, finally away from that forsaken town. Wasn't this what she wanted? To be free of the man who had sucked her into his life and made her breathless?

For so long she had felt so engrossed by him. Part of her wanting to drown in him and another fearing that he would strangle her if she fell to far into his love. He said he loved her fragility. All these years she thought she was the strong one. How he made her feel like a fool.

All in one moment everything she had thought her life was supposed to be was shattered into tiny pieces. Why could she not let him go? After everything he had done to her she still wanted to run back to his embrace.

_Fear. _

The realization hit her like a ton of bricks. She was afraid of being alone. She really was weak and fragile. What a fool. She cried then. Lying back on the thick comforter she cried until she sleep took over her body. He took her innocence and shattered her heart. And even now, in the many miles of distant, he still had control over her heart.

She woke up the next morning; tear stained face puffy from her crying the night before.

"_You are a bloody mess, Kaoru,"_ she thought to herself, disappointment in her voice. She needed to get out and breathe.

After a shower and a quick breakfast she hesitantly made her way out onto the sidewalk in front of the hotel. She was where she had always dreamt of being, and she would be damned if she didn't suck it up and get back to life. Oh, how much easier those words were to think, than to actually put into action.

The morning was crisp. It was a perfect season in France, the weather was cool and the black scarf wrapped around her delicate neck blocked the chill of the breeze. She had no idea where she was heading. In reality, she was terrified of being all alone in this place. But she had spent too much time being afraid and broken, and she was determined to make it on her own. No matter how long it took.

Paris was nothing like she could have imagined. The sky was cloudy as she walked down the quiet street. Half of her just wanted to turn around and crawl back into bed, but her mind was too awake for that. Thoughts of home…of friends…and of him overtook her.

She was aching to be able to forget him and gain back her strength, but she was different without him. Everything she once imagined she would be was erased without her permission and now she was stuck in a place of confusion trying to find a new path for herself.

The familiar smell of rain in the air made Kaoru long for someone beside her. The scent reminded her of her father and instantly overwhelmed her. It was full of magic and of love. It was at that moment she realized she was completely alone for the first time in her life. Her body began to tremble as she struggled to contain her tears.

She walked to a bench and placed her face in her hands. She realized now how much she had truly lost herself. Her father had been her strength and her shield and though she loved that about him, she had never trusted herself enough to be on her own. Now with Kenshin behind her as well she saw how much she truly had left behind.

Her friends would always be her home, but now she sensed that her heart had always been in Paris. The rain embraced her as it fell, and Paris welcomed her home as though she had only journeyed away for a while. Even in the midst of all her planning Kaoru could never have planned to fall in love with such a man, but now all she could was let the rain embrace as she cried for everything she had lost.


	2. Had to move on

Disclaimer: I don't own a thing, but I definitely don't want that kind of artistic responsibility.

--

Kenshin sat against the futon with years of memories sprawled in front of him

"_Tomoe, I do not know what brought you here, nor do I want to know. All I can be sure of is that I was an idiot to let old feelings emerge and take them as the real thing. I did love you once, but that was before you left me for Akira. Now, I have gone and done the same thing to Kaoru. I promised myself I would never let anyone else feel that kind of pain, and I lied."_

"_Kenshin…"_

"_Tomoe, we made a lot of mistakes and neither of us will ever be able to fix them. What I have with Kaoru surpasses anything we could have hoped for in each other. Even I can be honest about that. You are my ex-wife and that is that. I'm sorry."_

--

Kenshin sat against the futon with years of memories sprawled in front of him, pictures spanning form their first encounter to the just two months ago. He felt the emptiness inside without Kaoru beside him.

_Kaoru, I need you my love. I'm a fool and I do not deserve you, but I need you. Please come home to me._

He saw something different in her eyes as he looked at the pictures before him. He had always thought she was beautiful but he realized for the first time how empty her eyes were. She had never been fulfilled in that town. He felt the sorrow creep inside him as he realized she wouldn't be coming home to him. The world seemed a bit greyer as he sat alone holding the photos of the one girl he had desperately loved and how foolish he had been to take her gentle heart for granted.

--

"_Hi, I'm Kenshin." Wow, that sounded way lamer out loud,_

_She smiled, "Kaoru. Nice to meet you, Kenshin. Would you like a seat?"_

_He smiled back, "I would love one."_

--

She felt someone standing in front of her and at first was afraid to look up. She heard the concerned voice of the quiet man in front of her. "Miss are you alright?"

She looked up slowly to see the gentlest face she had ever seen, his skin like ivory and his eyes full of life. He was in essence, beautiful. He scanned her back and forth looking for a sign that she was ok. She smiled at him and nodded slowly.

"Are you sure?"

She smiled brighter at the question. After so many nights of feeling alone he was the first to actually talk to her.

She responded, "I'm sure."

"If you don't mind me saying, I think you are far too beautiful to be crying in such a place as this."

She blushed at his kindness, "I'm afraid I don't know how to enjoy the magic of this place." She placed her face back into her hands as the flood of sadness took over.

He did not enjoy seeing this stranger cry, but was unaware what to do to make her tears stop. "Perhaps, a good cup of coffee and a tour of this beautiful city might cheer you up. What do you say?"

She was unsure what to think of him, was he hitting on her? He noticed her unease as he spoke, "No worries beautiful lady. I quite prefer men myself. Kamatari at your service if you would be so sweet as to oblige me."

She smiled shyly at his boldness, "Well then we have something in common."

He smiled as he took her hand and slipped it the crook of his elbow.

--

_Original Message_

_From: Kaoru_

_To: Megumi_

_Subject: Leaving France_

_Meg,_

_I know you are all worried about me. Hell, I'm worried about myself. Please don't fret any longer. You have the baby to worry about and I know Sano would not approve of anything other than you lying in bed. Even though we both know that will never happen. Tell Misao I am thinking of her. I have found my destination. A lot has changed these past two weeks. The weak little girl I was ceases to exist, and yet I don't know what that makes me. I love all of you so very much and I just wanted to say thank you for all the things you have done for me. No matter how many times you and I rub each other the wrong way you are still like a sister to me. I'm not sure when I will return home, at this time it's the last thing I want. For now, know that I am safe and that I love you so much. I will write again soon. Computer access might be hard for the next few days. _

_K_

_Tell Kenshin to be happy with Tomoe, ok?_

_--End message--_

_Tell Kenshin to be happy with Tomoe._ Megumi closed the laptop with shaky hands. She wanted nothing more than to have that dumb raccoon back here with all of them, but the sister part of her knew that this was a journey Kaoru needed to take. She had been through so much in her young life. Losing her father and her mother. Guarding her heart as long as she did, it was a miracle she was able to love Kenshin at all. Megumi knew she was not coming home soon, but knowing that did not make it any easier to accept.

--

Kamatari stopped at the entrance of her hotel, "Thank you for a wonderful cup of coffee. I hope we can meet again soon. I believe the muse I have been waiting for has finally stepped in front of me."

She smiled uneasily, "I'm not sure what you mean by that, but another cup of coffee would be nice."

"Wonderful, I'll be here tomorrow, same time."

"See you tomorrow, then." She smiled as she turned and made her way into the hotel.

Paris had given each of them a gift neither was even aware of, but at that moment she was smiling on them. Sure to follow along on their journey to peace.

--

"_You mean you came here on a whim all by yourself?" Kamatari asked incredulously._

"_Yes," Kaoru replied ashamed._

"_You are lucky I found you before some crazed lunatic did," he said rather proud of himself.  
_

"_Some crazed lunatic? Says the crazed man that has called me a beauty to behold sine he met me," she smirked out in reply._

_He had a pleasant laugh as he looked at her tenderly. "You will understand what it is you are one day."_

"_Who am I then? I feel so confused, a part of me living in New York, a part of me searching for something here. I feel so incomplete."_

"_You must find out who it is you want to be Kaoru by first finding out what has made you what you were and are."_

--

The restaurant was quiet for a Thursday night. Kenshin sat across from Misao and Aoshi while Megumi and Sano sat next to him. Thursday nights were their ritual dinner, all three couples catching up on each other's week.

There was an elephant in the room this time though, as the silence was symbolic for the things everyone wanted to acknowledge but no one wanted to say.

Kenshin spoke first, "Have any of you heard from her?"

Sano looked hesitantly at his wife who had her hands resting on her pregnant belly. She caught his gaze slowly, "She emailed last week and let me know that she was ok. She said she was leaving France but she did not say where she was going. She told me…" she trailed off at the gentle urging of her husband. Sano grabbed her hand, as she was about to mention the part about Tomoe. He loved Kenshin and Kaoru was like a sister. He did not want to hurt him even more.

Her sudden stop was not unnoticed by anyone, especially Kenshin who was trying to digest everything he was hearing. "What else did she say, Meg?"

Megumi sighed, "She told me to tell you to be happy with Tomoe, Kenshin. She was completely and utterly broken. I do not know how you managed to single-handedly hurt that girl as much as you did."

Kenshin's heart ached at her words and he stood to leave. Megumi spoke, "Ken, wait, I'm sorry. I'm just upset and I wanted to blame someone. I'm sorry, please stay."

"No, you're right Meg. I broke the heart of the only woman who could make me whole, and now I don't even know where she is or if I'll ever see her again. You have every right to be mad."

He shook his head as he stuck his hands in the pockets of his blazer, "Look guys. I need to walk, have a good dinner without me. I'll see you next week."

Misao nudged her husband then, "Go with him love, he needs you."

Aoshi gave Sano a knowing look as both men looked at their wives and stood to follow their friend out the door.

Misao looked at Megumi, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears, "What are we going to do Meg? She is so stubborn, she won't come home soon."

"We have to let her grow up Misao and find the peace and fulfillment she has been longing to find. We should have seen it sooner. We are all at fault for what happened. Now we get to respect her and let her heal from all the grief that has followed her through life."

Misao nodded her head in agreement, "Come on Meg, I'll take you home so you don't have to waddle."

Megumi smirked, "You carry twins and then you can joke about waddling."

"Twins!" Misao managed to squeak out before excitement took over her and she nearly tacked Megumi with her hug. "Oh my goodness, Meg! Twins! Just wait until those babies are born. You thought your husband was protective now."

_Oh, I know. Boy do I know, _Megumi thought to herself. _That man is going to be beside himself if they turn out to be girls._

--

He dreamt of her that night, her raven hair casting a serene halo against the white of the pillowcase. He dreamt she was beside him, the heat of her body warming him—comfort. In his mind he knew he was dreaming, but he wanted nothing more than to feel her beside him like she had been for so long. He'd stay asleep until the day she came home if he could.

--

"Kao love?" Kamatari looked at her curiously.

"Hmm?" she replied.

"Are you going to eat anything or are you going to continue abusing that pancake with your fork?" He questioned her sarcastically.

She lifted her head as the fog in her mind cleared, "He was my best friend, Kam. I feel empty. I thought he loved me, I thought we were going to end up happy. Now I feel like I never really knew anything about him at all. It all feels like a lie. How do I know he ever even loved me?"

Kamatari swallowed hard at her words. He wasn't quite sure what to say to her, nor did he want to say anything that might make her even more sorrowful than she already was.

She lowered her head back to her plate, mind hazy in thought. "I know you don't know what to say, Kam. I don't know either. All I know is that I loved him and I thought he loved me too."

They sat in silence the rest of breakfast. Kamatari had seen the sorrow in her eyes that day he met her on the street. He had wanted to take her in and be a pillar of strength for her. He hardly knew her, but he was so drawn to the woman of such passion. In her eyes was every emotion that person could contain. She was the epitome of strength. She just didn't know it yet. He did though, and he would do everything he could to bring that scared woman out of the shadows and into the splendor of her light.

--

One month later…

--

"Ken?" Sano knocked gently on the door of the apartment; seeing it was unlocked he walked inside.

Kenshin looked up from where he was sitting on the couch.

"Ah, so you are home," Sano breathed deep, not sure how to broach the upcoming conversation.

"What's up, Sano?"

"Just dropped in to see what you were up to…and to escape my crazy hormonal wife."

"Sano, she's not crazy, she's pregnant."

"Aren't they the same?" Sano ran his fingers nervously through his hair. This was going to be harder than he thought.

Kenshin picked up on his nervous habit. After years of friendship he knew something was up. "San—o?" He drew out knowingly. "Why are you _really_ here?"

"What do you mean, _really_? We're friends, I wanted to come over and see how you're holding up in your self-pity."

"And?"

Sano took a deep breath, his curiosity was getting the best of him, and he really had to know before he drove himself crazy, so he went for it, "What did you do with it Ken?"

"What did I do with what, Sa…? Oh…" He replied realizing the question. "It's in the drawer where it's been since I got it, Sano. I will keep it there until she comes back. She has to come back."

Sano sat down beside his friend, "And what if she doesn't, Ken? What will you do with it then?"

"It's hers, Sano. It rightfully belongs to her. I'll keep it safe as long as I have to, until I can give it to her. However long that may be."

"Ok, Ken," Sano gripped his friend's shoulder tightly before standing up. "I think I should get back to the Mrs." He smiled before he left, closing the door without saying another word.

Kenshin wasn't really sure what to do with himself. He had tried everything he could to forget about it, but his efforts were futile. He walked slowly to the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed. The clock on the nightstand glared at him mockingly. He was resisting the desire to open the drawer. He was in denial--deep and steady denial.

He opened the door and picked up the velvet box. _How could I let it all falter? Where was my resolve? _His shaky hands opened the box to reveal to simple engagement ring sitting inside. A wonderful sapphire, a representation of her, set in a simple and timeless band. He took the ring out of the box and held it like that until the tears started to flow.

_I need to get out of here_, he thought to himself. He placed the ring back in the box and put it in his pocket. _A walk…I need a walk…_

--

Kamatari walked Kaoru back to her hotel. It was afternoon, and the sun was out. They had spent the day walking around the local area. Scarf still around her neck she walked silently as the breeze carried her long black hair behind her.

Kamatari was the first to break the silence; "Maybe we can go for a nice drive tomorrow? What do you think? You need to see the beauty of this place."

She smiled at his persistence. He wasn't going to let her wallow. He had been such an amazing friend to her over the past month. She didn't know how she would have survived that first month here without his flamboyant presence. She wanted to be strong, she really did. She just didn't know how.

He nudged her to wake her from her daydreaming. She smirked at him playfully. He really was a pest. "Ok, Kam. A drive it is."

He smiled at his victory. She was too amazing to be anything but strong.

"But." She broke into his thoughts, "No trying to get me to take pictures with cute Frenchman this time. I thought I was going to die of embarrassment yesterday, or heat exhaustion from my face being that red for so long."

"Ok, drama queen, but that one was rather cute if I do say so myself."

"Kam…" she warned.

"Ok, ok. NO cute Frenchman, but that does take away from the beautiful scenery on our drive tomorrow."

"Mhmm," she sounded in acknowledgement. "I'm sure it did."

He laughed at her playfulness. He wanted her to be strong. She was already so close to him he couldn't remember what it was like to not have her friendship. She was the sister he always wanted, and he was the family she was without on her journey away from home. They fit together perfectly.

He linked her arm with his then, "Come miss Kaoru, I shall escort you home to rest before our wonderful adventure tomorrow."

"I'm going to need it."

--

Kaoru sat at the desk in her hotel room. Kamatari was a wonderful friend, and a brilliant artist of distraction, but when she was alone she only felt the feelings emerge at full force. She missed him and yet she wasn't sure why.

She was on her hundredth attempt at writing a letter by the time she got so frustrated she threw her pen at the wall.

She was somewhere in between heartache and healing and she wanted nothing more than to move on, but there were so many questions she wanted answers to. She retrieved her pen from the floor and attempted to write again.

_Kenshin,_

_I hope more than anything you have found what it is you are looking for. I want you to be happy, so much more than I care to write about at this moment, for I know you being happy means being without me. I wish I knew the reasons that you turned around. I mean, I know she is your ex-wife, but maybe I had hoped you had found a new life in me, in us. I just want to know what happened. When and where things turned awry for you._

_I felt it you know. When you started to bring up that wall between us. It scared me, and I guess if I hadn't been in such denial I would have said something about it. Maybe I would have my answers then. Maybe we would have talked about your decision to take Tomoe back. I'm angry you know. Angry at how weak you were, but then, I guess your first love never really does die, huh? Unfortunately for me, that was you._

_I really do hope you find what it is you are looking for Kenshin. I need you to be happy more than anything, and maybe one day, when we are older and the wound in my heart has sealed, you can tell me what happened. Why you let me feel all the things you promised I never would. I hope your reasons are valid; I would hate to think you are weak. I love you Kenshin, and I fear I always will. All I know is that I must move on. I must move on…_

The tears started to smear the ink on the paper. Move on…she couldn't wallow anymore. She had to move on. She had to find strength. Whatever it was Kamatari saw in her she wanted to see it too.

She folded the letter and sealed it in an envelope. She would never mail it, but at least now she had written the very emotions she was bottling up. And she knew now, that she was going to move on. She had to move on…


	3. Reinvention

Disclaimer: I have no reason to obtain such a masterpiece as Rurouni Kenshin.

The café was quiet; the weather was beginning to warm up. April had arrived and Kamatari was curious about what Kaoru was going to do about the summer. He knew she would refuse to go home so soon, but he also knew she could not afford to stay in that hotel much longer.

They had been sitting in silence for a while. Every time Kamatari looked at her he could see the lost expression on her face. She was a girl in need of so many answers and yet so afraid to ask even one.

"I had a journey much like yours once," Kamatari broke the silence.

"Really?" Kaoru replied looking up quickly, a bit of warmth back in her eyes.

"Mhmm, I think that is why I was so drawn to you when I saw you sitting on that bench by yourself. Much like I was when I first came to France, young, alone and afraid. I knew I needed to give you the support I wish I had when I first arrived here."

"What brought you here, Kam?"

"I was only 18 then, my family is pretty well off. I took what was rightfully mine and I landed here. I think I was captivated by the beauty and history of Europe in general. I traveled for a while, but I came back to France and decided I needed to find a way to survive-- _without_ my parent's money."

"Why did you leave all that behind?"

"I remember the night I decided I was going to tell my parent's I was gay. They were pretty indignant, wanting nothing to do with my sexuality. I was hurt and they practically disowned me that night. My dad was so upset. I felt like I had betrayed them and there was nothing I could do to fix it. I was not going to pretend to be someone I was not. I wanted to be true to myself, but it was a lot harder to actually be that way than to say it."

"I know the feeling," Kaoru mumbled.

Kamatari looked at her face and smile as he squeezed her hand, "Kao, you must be true to yourself. If it hurts to even say his name then you don't need to, love. But you will need to heal sometime, and if talking to him might help then maybe you should."

Kaoru was not sure what to say, or what to feel for that matter. She just wanted life back, and she wanted to stop thinking of him everyday. It had gotten easier as the days went by, but she was more than aware that she was still in the center of her sorrow.

Kamatari broke her inner turmoil by grabbing her hand. Tugging her to her feet he finally spoke, "Kaoru, I want to take you somewhere very dear to me. You have become a great friend to me and I think that you should see the very thing that helped me get through my journey. Will you go with me?"

There was a hint of sorrow in Kamatari's eyes and even though Kaoru couldn't place where it came from, she knew it was there. Without hesitation she replied, "Of course."

He smiled at her response, "Come, we must drive, it is about an hour away but I want you to see it."

They drove through the countryside to get there. Kaoru was lost in the flashing of colors on the landscape. The scene unfolding before her captivated her. It was dusk, and the beautiful rays of the sun spilled over the countryside painting it in sunlight. The sky was lit with all colors of the spectrum. She suddenly felt a sense of peace and sighed in contentment.

Kamatari noticed her relaxed disposition, "It's beautiful, isn't it?"

She turned to him, "It's absolutely breathtaking, Kam."

They turned up a small dirt road and stopped in front of a small cottage. Sitting on top the hill next to the cottage was a beautiful house, made of stone. It looked as though it had been sitting on that same spot for ages. From the hill they were on Kaoru could see other homes in the distance and the wide fields of green that surrounded them. She was in love.

"Kam, this place…it's- amazing."

Kamatari laughed, "Takes the words right out of your mouth doesn't it. And here I thought nothing could ever make you speechless."

Kaoru couldn't help but smile and glare. She could tell something was shadowing his eyes, and she couldn't figure it out.

"Come, it's in the back. I want to show you before we go inside."

He led her to the back of the home. There was a large tree, sitting in it's shadow of the setting sun was a small headstone. Kaoru looked at Kamatari questioningly.

His eyes were started to tear as he looked at her, "It never gets easier to come here. I actually have not been able to get up enough courage to be back in here in quite some time."

"Who..." Kaoru wasn't sure how to ask whose headstone that was.

Kamatari was more than aware of her questions, they were one of the reasons he wanted to bring her here. "His name was Walter. He was an American." He turned to look at her then, tears in his eyes, but a smile finally gracing his face, "He was perfect, Kao. I was so in love with him the first time I saw him. He was 25 when we first met. He saw in me the same thing I saw in you, strength hidden underneath sadness. We grew to know each other. He was in France on leave from his job. He was dying."

Kamatari paused as all the memories flooded back to him. "He asked me to accompany him here and stay with him for as long as he was alive. It was wonderful, Kaoru. I had never allowed myself to be truly happy with whom I was. He let me be me, and in turn we shared an amazing companionship. He died six months later and he left me this place. A memory of what we had. It rehabilitated me here, and it gave him peace before his journey came to an end."

Kaoru was crying by now, the feeling of love so deep and pure in this place, she could not help but be in awe.

Kamatari was kneeling in front of the headstone, his hand on the cool stone, "I want to ask you to stay here with me, Kao. I've been on call in Paris for two months now, and I want to come back. I think it is time I finally took a break, and I think staying here would be good for you."

"I would like that, Kam."

Kamatari wiped the tears threatening to spill from his tired eyes and stood up. "I think it is time for tea."

"Can I stay out here for a bit before I go in?" Kaoru asked hesitantly.

"Of course my love, take all the time you need."

Kamatari turned to head into the house as Kaoru kneeled beside the headstone. "What an amazing love you shared. Even in death he remains connected to you."

Kaoru rose from the underneath the tree as she wandered forward to stare at the darkening sky. "I want that. Whatever it is they had. I want that."

"You can have it, Kaoru."

Kaoru turned around surprised as she met Kamatari's gaze, "You should talk to him, Kaoru. Give him a chance to clear his name. And if he cannot then at least you have the motivation to move on. Meet him halfway."

She nodded gently, "You're right."

Life was short, and it was something Kamatari had realized in the time he was able to love Walter. There was nothing they had missed out on. They shared a time and made every second count. Kamatari knew that Kaoru needed a reminder of how short her life was, and if her and Kenshin had as much love between them as he suspected, they might get through this with time.

Though he was only 28, the life he lived with Walter had been a joyous one and he knew that nothing could replace the memories they had. He gently took Kaoru's hand as he led her back to the house. It may take her a while, but she was going to get through this, and he was going to stand beside her every step of the way. He knew there was a woman of strength beneath that shadow in her eyes, and maybe, if he helped her become hole, she could love the man she left behind in a way that completed both of them.

"I'll show you your room and then make tea. How's that sound?"

"Perfect," she replied meekly. In all her time with Kamatari she had come to realize just how much growing up she had to do. At 22, Kaoru was facing life in a way she had never imagined. She loved Kenshin, he broke her heart, but she remembered the reasons she loved him. And maybe, if she was able to get the answers from him she could move on, and accept that he would be happy without her. She could find love again by first learning to love herself for who she was. She had a lot to learn, but she had a feeling that she would always have Kamatari by her side.

--

It was barely light out, and even though it was Saturday Kenshin knew it was pointless to try and sleep in. He climbed out of bed and threw the closest shirt he could find over his head. He opened the blinds of his apartment and sighed as he saw the bright sun peaking out between the large buildings of New York. He sat down in front of his desk as he gave his body a moment to wake up. He turned on the computer as he watched the sun continue to rise.

"Coffee, definitely need coffee." As he walked to the kitchen to turn on the coffee pot he wondered what Kaoru was doing. He missed her terribly and he wanted nothing more than to try and explain to her what happened. He had felt so ashamed at first he did not feel he had a right to try and even explain himself to her, but now he knew his heart needed to hear her voice and have her back.

He walked back to his desk, coffee in hand and opened up his email. Today would be the day he told her how he felt and the mistakes he had made. He wanted her to know that he loved her more than anything.

He began to type the words as they came to the forefront of his mind. Everything had caught up to this moment. He needed her back and he was going to do whatever it took. There was no more room for his shame. He knew he had to work for her trust.

_Original message_

_From: HimuraK_

_To: Kaoru_

_Subject: PLEASE DON'T DELETE ME!_

_Kaoru,_

_I'm not even sure I know where to begin, I'm not sure if you will even give me the chance of trying to redeem myself, but I do not know how to live life without you anymore. There are no excuses I could make for what I did to your heart. You have always been so strong in my eyes Kaoru, that I somehow took your tender heart for granted. I do not know how to make you believe that I feel like the biggest idiot alive, wait--scratch that. I know you can believe I am an idiot. _

_How I wish for one more day with you beside me. I do not deserve such a day, but I would hope, that even if you merely read this, you might one day give me a chance to explain the foolish choice I made. I was so scared Kaoru. You and I had a love I never knew could exist between two people. From the moment I saw you I was so taken. I know my words hold little weight right now, but I have nothing else to give you. You already have my heart._

_You're everything I could want, everything I could need. If I could see your face, Kaoru, you would know how much I want you. You're perfect. I feel trapped inside this shell of sorrow. Nothing compared to what I did to you, but I just want you to know how lost I am._

_You're my light, Kaoru. As soon as you left me I realized how dark things were without you. You were my beacon, calling me back to the light. I know it is much too little too late. But please my love, understand just how lost I am without you. I could want nothing but you. I was so confused by the love that was awakening in my soul for you. I felt an all-consuming fire take over me as I looked at your beautiful face. Your color shines so bright. I felt unworthy in your midst, and yet I was so blind to how much I needed your light to keep me whole. _

_Only you can raise me from this grave, Kaoru. I will wait for you as long as it takes to prove myself. I will never falter in my love for you. You are everything to me, everything I need, and everything I want. Please come back to me. I'm only alive when you are near. I will wait for you. _

_Yours, _

_Kenshin_

_--end message--_

--

The teacup lay deserted on the table while Kaoru gazed out the large open window. Memories flooded her and her mind was in a fog. Her journal lay in her lap. She had been trying to find a common ground between the battle going on in her head and her heart. It had been pointless. She was now just as confused as ever. _Should I talk to him, or do I protect myself and ignore all contact?_

Now she just had a headache and the downward spiral of confusion had just gotten messier.

She heard Kamatari shuffle in as to not disturb her, "I can hear you, Kam." She turned from the chair beside the open window to look at him.

He smiled sheepishly, "Sorry, Kao, just wanted to make sure you were ok. Maybe you should head to bed for the night and struggle with you inner turmoil in the morning."

Kaoru could not help but laugh, "You know me too well, Kam. I guess you're right."

She got up and walked passed him, not before giving him a kiss on the cheek. "Night, Kam, thank you for everything."

He received her kiss in gratitude, "Night, Kaoru."

Kamatari laughed at the mess she left behind. _Beautiful girl, absentminded as anyone I have ever met. _He went to pick up her teacup when he noticed her journal sitting on the empty chair. He smiled knowingly. She seemed the type to keep a journal. A girl with so many emotions pent up inside, it was no surprise she used her writing to free herself. He would return it to her before she went to bed. As he went to pick it up he saw the white envelope flutter to the floor. Curiosity piqued and he could not deny the urge to read it. He quickly scanned the letter, only one line truly capturing his attention. _I love you Kenshin, and I fear I always will. _

At first he was shocked by the realization he just had, but then he finally knew what he needed to do.

--

Kaoru sat in her room, laptop opened on the bed in front of her. She had just opened up her email inbox, and her attention was caught on one particular email sent from one "HimuraK." She desperately wanted to open it, but she was fearful of what it might say. She decided against it, she would save it for another day.

Quickly she closed her laptop before she changed her mind. She turned off the light and let sleep overtake her.

--

It was eleven at night when Kamatari made the long-distance international call, but he was more than completely positive his required prospect would be awake on an early Sunday morning.

"Hello?" the voice on the other end answered.

Kamatari snickered, "Well, well, well. You really are some kind of idiot aren't you my ex-cousin-in- law?"

Kenshin rolled his eyes on the other end, "Kam, what on earth do you want from me?"

Kamatari feigned hurt, "Wonderful cousin, I wanted nothing more than to see how you are doing. I heard my wonderful, manipulative; psycho of a cousin visited you recently. I had no doubt she would go running back to you when Akira manned up to how crazy she was."

Kenshin's eyebrow arched as he took in what Kamatari was saying. "How may I ask do you know that, Kam? You're all the way in France…" A strange sense of dread hung over Kenshin as he tried to quell the hope that Kamatari was somehow in contact with Kaoru. Even though he knew it was impossible.

Kamatari was more than aware as to why Kenshin had paused. His theory was indeed correct. "I just wanted to see how you were, Kenshin. I know my cousin is crazy. Goodness, I can't stand to be around her for more than a minute. You are some kind of man for actually marrying her."

"Yeah, well, she was different then."

"Yeah, she was, I guess. Anyway, Kenshin, I just wanted to check in since we haven't talked in a while and see how you were doing. I'll be going back home in the fall, and I hope we will be able to catch up. You may have been married to my cousin, but I always considered you blood rather than her."

Kenshin laughed, "Thanks, Kam. It would be great to catch up."

"Great. Well, since I am only a measly photographer and this is an international call I will be letting you go, but don't be a stranger."

"I won't, Kam. Thanks for calling."

"Alright, Ken. Talk to you later."

"Bye, Kam."

Kamatari hung up the phone. He knew as soon as he read Kaoru's letter that the Kenshin she was talking about was the same Kenshin that had married his psycho cousin.

The wheels had already started turning by the time he felt sleep consume him.

--

Kenshin was a bit miffed. Tomoe was a pretty private person. She was not one to share details about her personal life with anyone including her family, and especially details liker her failing marriage with Akira. How on earth had Kamatari found out?

He decided to call Sano. He needed a day with his best friend to get his mind off of everything else.

--

The two men were walking along the sidewalk. Sano had decided this was the best time to con Kenshin into helping him buy a present for Megumi, "Come on Kenshin, you are always so much better at picking out feminine things."

"Sano, what in the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Oi, Kenshin, you know what I mean. You have that sense of what women want. Besides, you have to help me. Meg told me today we're having twins and I can't go home empty handed."

"Twins?" Kenshin asked incredulously.

Sano's smile spread from ear to ear, "Yep! So see, you have to help me. The gift has to be perfect."

"Well, did you guys find out the genders?" Kenshin asked.

There was a sly grin on Sano's face now as he paused for dramatic effect, "Girls."

"What?! Oh, poor Meg. No wait, poor Meg _and_ your poor daughters."

"Hey, I take offense to that."

Kenshin laughed, "Sano, it's true. How many times do you think you will break your hand or some poor kid's nose in the next twenty years? Hmm?"

Sano smiled, "I protect my girls, that's all."

Kenshin smiled back at his friend. He knew Sano was going to be a great father, "Alright Sano, let's find something for Meg."

--

Kaoru woke the next morning to the smell of breakfast. She was not sure when she had last woke to that smell. She eagerly got dressed and wandered down the hall to find Kamatari talking candidly with a young woman.

He looked up to see her standing in the doorway, "Morning, Kao. This is Jacqueline. She is a wonderful designer and a very trusted friend. I thought it would be good for you to reinvent yourself while you were here and Jacqueline is the best of the best when it comes to fashion."

Kaoru cringed at his words, "Jacqueline it is wonderful to meet you, but Kam you know I'm not one for such things."

"Kao love. There will be no argument. You are here to enjoy yourself and it's just one day. Do it for me, please? Besides, I made breakfast." Kamatari held the plate of food in front of her as he smiled, a hint of mischief in his eyes.

"Well, there is food, and a new me might be good," Kaoru said cautiously. Two fashion driven people in the same room, eyeing Kaoru like a guinea pig, was quite frankly making her uneasy.

Jacqueline squealed in delight, "Wonderful! I have everything in the car."

Kaoru shoved a fork full of eggs in her mouth, _what have I gotten myself into?_


	4. Author's Note

Author's Note:

So it has been an extremely long time since I've updated and I apologize profusely for that. I hadn't backed up my hard drive in a while and then it crashed on me. So I lost all my notes on future chapters. I have most of it in my head, but the physical documents are gone. I will update as soon as I can with another chapter. I hope my readers are still with me and I'm so sorry for the delay. Thanks.

Endless Earth


	5. Beneath the Mask

So, after a rather unfortunate occurrence I was left a bit unsure about how to go forward with this story. Fortunately for me, my muse decided to be kind and returned my inspiration. Your reassurances were a blessing. I thank you for those who let me know you were still along for Kaoru's journey. So, here we go...

Kaoru lie awake in bed, trying to reclaim the last few minutes of sleep. It had been almost three weeks since her "beauty makeover" with Jacqueline and her morning beauty routine was still taking getting used to.

The day Jacqueline had come over they had spent almost six hours shopping. Kaoru was informed she needed to mature her wardrobe. She greatly appreciated all that had been done to make her look her 22 years and even more grateful for the friendship she had found.

Jacqueline was almost ten years older than Kaoru, at 31, but just as radiant as ever. She had striking golden blonde hair and bright brown eyes. And she loved high heels. As a designer she had quickly made friends with Kamatari, a very respected photographer. They had become instant friends, and quite the tag team, as Kaoru had experienced just days before.

Kaoru was a simple girl, and Jacqueline respected that. Her new look made her a more elegant woman. The long raven locks that many adored were cut chin length, and a natural wave made her look all the more sophisticated. She had become quite a sight, and she loved it.

It was still early when she finally decided to get up out of bed. She noticed the house was empty and decided to take advantage of it. She had been spending hours helping Kamatari at his photo sessions and she was grateful he had not woken her up this morning.

She quickly got ready, or as quickly as the new military regimen would allow, and went to make a cup of coffee before finding her favorite spot in the house. She set her coffee cup down on the side table by her favorite chair and smiled at the sun filled land outside the window. Tucked in between the cushions was her journal. She knew Kamatari never sat there and so she figured this was the safest place of any to hide her treasured possession.

She sat reflective for a while, flipping mindlessly through the pages before coming across her letter. She held it in her hands solemnly before unfolding it. Kaoru didn't even have to read it to know what it said. The words were still burned on her heart. She read it anyway, slowly repeating the words to herself…_but maybe I had hoped you had found a new life in me, in us._

It was a good hour before her mind was brought back to reality. She had finally realized just how much she still loved him and just how much she still did not understand. Why did he push her away? Why for Tomoe? She had come to a place where she wanted answers and she realized she was finally ready to hear them. After so many months being away from home, it had come time to find out the truth of what happened.

She figured now was just as good a time as any to read his email, even though she was scared to see what he had to say. She got up and went over to the computer. Shaking hands she logged in before finally opening the unread message.

_...How I wish for one more day with you beside me. I do not deserve such a day, but I would hope, that even if you merely read this, you might one day give me a chance to explain the foolish choice I made. I was so scared Kaoru. You and I had a love I never knew could exist between two people. From the moment I saw you I was so taken. I know my words hold little weight right now, but I have nothing else to give you. You already have my heart..._

Eyes blurry she kept jumping back from section to section.

_...Only you can raise me from this grave, Kaoru. I will wait for you as long as it takes to prove myself. I will never falter in my love for you. You are everything to me, everything I need, and everything I want. Please come back to me. I'm only alive when you are near. I will wait for you..._

There were no words. Tears were falling from her face. What had they done to each other?

--

It was two hours later when Kamatari found her in the same spot glued to the screen.

"Kao love, you got a letter today."

"I don't want to read it." He could not miss the sorrow in her voice.

Perplexed he looked over her shoulder at the screen, "Ah, Kenshin."

Surprised she looked at him over her shoulder, eyes red and puffy from crying, she choked out a response, "Excuse me?"

"I said 'Ah, Kenshin,' you know my idiot of a cousin-in-law who broke your heart?" As soon as the words were out of his mouth he regretted saying them.

Like a tiger, Kaoru rose from her chair and yelled, "What!?"

"This whole time, Kam. This whole damn time you knew. Was this just a set up? Did he put you up to this? Is everything you said just a stupid lie so you could work your way into making a fool of me? And what do you mean cousin_- in-law_?"

"Kao, relax. I didn't know they were the same guy until I saw the letter you wrote to him. Now wait before you go all crazy on me. I shouldn't have read the letter and I apologize for invading your privacy. It was just…you were so sad, Kao. You came to stay here and your heart was a mess and I couldn't figure out what kind of fool would take such life from you. And then I read it and it all made sense. I knew exactly what kind of fool would do something like that. His name is Kenshin, and by all means and purposes he is my cousin. Even more than the psycho of a woman who is his ex-wife. Who yes, I am actually related to."

"I'm sorry Kaoru. I truly am." Kamatari hung his head in shame.

Her resolve lessened as she looked at him and she sighed, "Kam, it's alright. I was just shocked at how small the world could possibly be."

"Or how persistent fate is," he added.

She smirked at him, "Whatever it is you have to promise me there will be no more talk of him? Ok?"

"Yeah, yeah, I hear ya."

"You have mischief written all over your face, Kamatari. Just promise me you will not be dumb."

"I promise. Now enough of this, here is your letter."

The day returned to normal after that, with both friends pretending Kenshin was never mentioned. Kaoru's letter had been a quick note from Jacqueline, inviting her to attend a photo shoot she was doing later in the week. After much prompting from Kamatari she agreed.

--

The day of the photo shoot was hectic to say the least. Jacqueline was a completely different person in her element, a born leader.

Kaoru was overwhelmed with the beauty of all the women. They were both kind and beautiful. She smirked at the thought. Such a contrast to the stereotypical opinion she once had.

Jacqueline noticed her expression and was amused to see such a face, full of contemplation and humor. She approached her slowly and nudged her, laughing at the blush that appeared on Kaoru's face.

She continued smiling, "Now, I must say I am sorry to see such a unique expression leave that face of yours. However, I, as well as the photographer over there, believe that face was be out to much better use behind the camera."

"Me? No…" she laughed nervously. "I'm not a model, Jacque. I wouldn't even know what to do."

"Just be yourself. I will not take no for an answer. Besides, there is a reason Kam calls you his muse, Kao."

The day flew by in a blur. Slowly Kaoru found her footing and actually began to enjoy herself. Everyone commented on her natural beauty, and as much as she hated to admit it, she quite enjoyed the experience.

--

Kamatari was giddy inside, knowing he had found the perfect plan to get Kenshin and Kaoru together in the same room again. He could not wait to put it into action.

He was ripped from his musing by the arrival of Kaoru and Jacqueline. "Ah, so my lovely ladies return."

"_Your _ladies, Kam?" Kaoru asked good-naturedly.

"Yes, mine," he laughed. "So, spill, how was the shoot?" he asked.

Kaoru went on to enthusiastically recapture her day, much to Kamatari's enjoyment. He knew the shoot would be good for her and he was not surprised when Jacqueline revealed that Kaoru's pictures would be published in the next issue of _Global Artist_. The photographer was to be featured on the cover and he had chosen his photos with Kaoru to be his main feature. He had even taken a picture of the two of them together to feature as well.

Kamatari could not help but beam at the light in her eyes. It seemed she had found a piece of herself after all. The confident woman before him was all the reassurance he needed to move forward with his plans.

--

It was late evening before he gathered himself enough to approach her room, but Kamatari knew it was time.

"Kao, can I come in?"

"Sure thing, Kam. What's up?"

He took a deep breath before he spoke, "Well, my family is hosting a masquerade ball in a week to celebrate my mother's 60th birthday. I know it might be too soon to see him Kao, but it think it's time to get your answers."

She pondered and then replied, "I think you're right, Kam. I think it is time I see him face to face. I want answers. I'm ready to hear them. I would like to go."

"Really?" he asked surprised.

She laughed, "Don't sound so shocked, Kam. I'm ready."

He was proud of her, "Well great, we leave in four days. Jacque wants to help you find a dress. So look forward to another full day of shopping."

"I'm bursting," she answered sarcastically.

He couldn't help but laugh at her spirit. He turned at the doorway before shutting the door, "Night, Kao."

"Night."

--

"Alright Kaoru. We need something to enhance that lovely figure you have, and it has to compliment those adoring dark features of yours. I'm so glad we cut that hair off. It is going to make things so much easier for you without me there."

"Hey" she feigned hurt.

"Kaoru, you know it's true."

"So…"

"Oh, come on. I know the perfect color and we can have it made in two days!"

Needless to say, Jacqueline's enthusiasm left Kaoru without energy to spare. She did however manage to find one of the top designers, a quiet man with a heart of gold, to make the dress and have it ready just before Kaoru and Kamatari were to leave.

"Kaoru fingered the sketch, "It's perfect Jacque. Thank you so much Javier."

The designer smiled endearingly, "You remind me so much of my young daughter. I am so honored to make it for you. I only hope she turns out like you, as she gets older. So full of life and beauty."

Kaoru blushed at his sincerity. "Thank you," she said just above a whisper.

The rest of the day was spent making sure everything else was in order. All that remained was her trip to the airport.

She was quiet that night, reflective of the past few months of her life. This trip had been good for her soul. She had come out a new person, a woman who had more a sense of who she wanted to be, and who she already was. She loved Kenshin, she could not deny that and yet she was not sure where that love was going to take her. All she knew was that she wanted answers, and this trip was going to reveal them to her.

--

The trip was uneventful, besides the incident with the stewardess and a less than friendly Kamatari. Nothing more than a mere misunderstanding about peanuts and ticket cost, and being ripped off by the airline. Three bags of peanuts later both Kamatari _and_ the stewardess were happy.

Their plane landed early the morning of the masquerade. Kamatari knew his family would be busy getting ready so he had decided to skip out on going to the house to stay. Instead he and Kaoru booked a hotel.

She was nervous, he could read it all over her face. "Kao, you ok?"

"Hmmm? Oh, yeah, just thinking. I'm not sure what to expect. I kind of hate that feeling. It makes me a bit edgy. I'm ok though."

"Well, whatever happens remember what you came here for, ok?"

"I will. Thanks, Kam."

She spent the next three hours busying herself with solitaire and hotel movies before finally spending the next two getting ready.

It was a long while before she emerged from the spare bedroom in their overly sized hotel room, but she was striking as she walked before Kamatari.

He smiled, ear to ear, "Kao, if I was a straight man..."

"Don't say it Kam," she laughed.

"It's true," he replied in laughter. "You ready?"

"Don't make me answer that."

"You're ready, Kao."

--

The estate was breathtaking and Kaoru knew for sure she was out of her element. It was like a picture out of a movie. Cars lined up outside, lights and noise everywhere. She was overwhelmed, "Kam, I didn't know you were so well off."

"Only after my money I see. Well at least I know the truth," he smirked releasing the tension around her. "Come on you gold digger, let's get inside." Kamatari gently placed her arm in his as they walked through the main doors and toward their destination.

The masquerade ball was the perfect idea. All around her were men and women in striking masks. Golds, silvers, and her own scarlett dress stood out amongst the crowd. Everywhere she looked beauty had been spun into even the tiniest detail. She was even more grateful for having a designer friend.

Her short framing hair in perfect waves framing her delicate features, she held her chin high with an air of confidence as they entered the last hallway. Any man who looked upon her would see the unmistaken beauty of her face, even beneath the mask. But she was not there for their attention. She was here to complete this part of her journey. She was there for one man.

They walked slowly through the hall, arms linked, and then they reached the ballroom. A grand vaulted ceiling, an array of people, and there across the room next to a beautiful woman, was Kenshin. Her breath caught at the sight of him. He was strikingly handsome and she was still full of butterflies at the sight of his face, not surprised that he chose not to wear a mask. But she remembered that she was to be strong tonight. She was a new Kaoru and she reminded herself that he did not know her. Not this side of her at least.

She felt the gentle squeeze from Kamatari. Their arms still linked together they walked forward into the grand room.

"Oh, Kam!" the voice woke Kaoru from her daze. "My son, how wonderful to have you home!" she cheered as she wrapped her arms around him.

Kamatari could not help but laugh. His mother's happy spirit was what he loved so much about her. "Mother, I quite enjoy the act of breathing from time to time," he told her good-naturedly.

Kaoru smiled. Kamatari's mother released her son, dusting off his jacket, "Oh hon, I'm sorry." She chuckled, a sound that warmed Kaoru's soul.

She looked at Kaoru then. "Kamatari," she gasped, "is this Kaoru?"

"Kamatari beamed, "Kaoru, meet my mother."

Kamatari's mother spoke first, "Oh, how lovely to meet you my dear girl." She placed both of Kaoru's hands in hers as she spoke, "I'm Lydia, Kam has told me so much about you."

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Kaoru smiled at her genuine nature.

"Well, don't let me keep you my dears. Go have fun. Kam, be a gentleman and introduce your lovely escort to everyone--and say hello to your father," she added almost as an afterthought.

"I will mother, thank you."

They walked away still linked together. "She was sweet, Kam. I like her."

"I knew you would. Now, it is time. Go, and do as we planned."

--

Kaoru sat at the table by herself. She wasn't sure how to approach anything at this point. All her and Kamatari had planned was that she would seek out Kenshin and get the answers she needed from him. How she was supposed to do that was a mystery to her.

She was quite frankly terrified of seeing him at all.

The gentle voice drifted towards her, "A man, much like a father to me, once said that if ever I saw a beautiful woman sitting alone I should ask her to dance."

Kaoru's heart raced at his voice, but she was determined to remain confident and sure. "I have a feeling you have used that line many times tonight, Mr. Himura."

"So you know who I am, but I assure you that you are mistaken in your opinion on this matter," he replied flirtatiously, holding out a champagne glass to her, another in his opposite hand.

She took it gracefully. "Oh, but your reputation precedes you, sir. And I assure you, you are doing a marvelously successful job in solidifying it.

He chuckled, "Miss, what is it I might be able to do to reassure you otherwise."

Kaoru could not help but smile, a mischievous glint in her eye, "Stop flirting."

Kenshin choked on the champagne he had been drinking, "Excuse me?"

"If it is too difficult for you, then I understand sir. A man such as yourself must be quite good at finding women to pass the time."

"I assure you miss that you are mistaken." A touch of hurt and anger in his voice he continued, "As it so happens I was just in a relationship for the past three years."

"Really, where is this woman now?"

Sadness streaked his violet eyes and Kaoru immediately felt bad for causing him pain. "Maybe you are right after all, miss. I apologize for taking up your time. Excuse me."

Kenshin got up before Kaoru could say anything. He made his way to the balcony. He needed air.

--

Kamatari approached a sorrowful Kaoru, "Find what you were looking for, love?"

Without looking up she replied, "He looks so sad. Somehow we got on the topic of me and all this pain filled his eyes. He just walked away."

"Maybe you should go after him…"

"But…"

"Just go, Kaoru. Stop thinking so much, and just go."

--

Kenshin couldn't figure out what had come over him. That angelic woman had completely overwhelmed him and like a fool he had flirted with her—and she called him out on it.

Now he just felt like a guilty fool for pursuing her, but the whole time all he could think about was Kaoru.

She was so much like her. The skin, the lips, those beautiful eyes beneath the mask, and yet everything else was different. Her demeanor, her confidence, that long raven hair; she was not Kaoru, but she had her presence.

He was taken from his thoughts by the gentle tap on his shoulder.

His anger immediately returning he spoke icily, "You have made your opinion of me rather clear tonight, miss. I would much like to be left alone."

She felt guilty, but she wanted to understand. "There is a sadness in your eyes I do not understand, but I want to. I'm sorry for hurting you, but that look, that emotion. What was it?"

He turned to face her, tears in his eyes, "I love a girl, who you remind me of. She is beautiful, perfect in everything."

"Where is she now?"

"Gone. On a journey I could not be a part of. What I would give to have here beside me. I was such a fool. So scared of what she was, I was nothing compare to her. And yet, she never saw the beauty of her soul." He was crying as he bared his soul to her, "I would give anything to have her beside me, she is air to me, and yet I could not let her stay with me. She deserved to find strength and love. And if she ever returns to me, I will know she loves me, out of the beauty of her soul, she will love me. Not because she needs me, but because I need her."

Tears were falling from Kaoru's face, "You mean, you lost her because you wanted to lose her?"

There was a melancholy smile on his face at the way she said it, "I wanted her to see the amazing woman I did, and she would never be able to do that beside me. I was not worthy of her, but now I feel like the world has crumbled around me. I want her back. I need her back and it was not until I pushed her away did I see the darkness in my life. I just wanted her to be happy."

There were so many emotions racing through Kaoru's heart. She felt like the security of lies she had built around herself had been stripped away. He had done all of it for her. He had forced her to see who she was without him, what she could be without him, and yet in that moment all she could see was what he had helped make her. There were so many questions she wanted answers to, but she was afraid to speak.

Kenshin waited for her response, seeing the emotions in her eyes, he felt strangely at home.

She spoke softly as she cupped his cheek in her hand, "Tell her. Tell her what you feel, why you did it. She will understand. She will forgive you."

She turned immediately after and walked back inside the hall from the balcony. She turned back to him one last time, "Tell her Kenshin. Kaoru will understand."

Confusion and shock marked his face as she removed her mask and pleading with her eyes looked at him, before quickly disappearing into the crowd.

"Kaoru..."


End file.
